My surroundings are dirty,
The thickness of the air eats through my skin,
Works it's way within until I am nothing.
My blood rebels at these bitter scents,
The stink of elderly flesh, camomile,
Dried apricot perfume on ancient clothes,
Tinged in the bath of cigarette smoke
These withering husks of younger men
Have for so long submerged themselves in.
Seven hours I have sat here,
In this seat sat in my so many other souls
That the dip formed by their (ample) buttocks
Seems to be swallowing my body whole.
I can feel their unwashed palms on my palms,
Knowing wherever I touch is drenched,
Swimming in the faecal pond of their bad habits,
Tainting this newfound world from the off,
Making it look greyer, sicklier, droll.
This summer day makes it so much worse.
Sunlight burns through the glass, becoming fake
And about as artificial as the plastic chairs,
Coated in their stain-ridden foam,
Decorated by some floral pattern
That would seem right at home
On some 70's family show set sofa,
That, perched in front of a crowd waiting to laugh,
Would arguably make me much more comfortable.
How I long for my bed, my house, my class,
The place I was before this maligned folly began
And my happy universe, now made turgid,
Entirely collapsed. How I regret,
How I weep for my lost Winters,
My lost, silent nights walking the streets,
Hand in hand with my faithful kin,
Clad in white as snow robes, happy,
On our journey to make the offering.
Nothing here appeals. The promise of aged blood,
Even spilled in His name would not satiate,
Would not satisfy His vengeful thirst,
As aged blood retains not life,
Nor potential enough to quench the arid storm
That spills forth from his open maw.
With blistered knees I'd crawl back to his bosom,
If only my righteous bitter God's raving heart would slow,
For the fact my offered tithe was great enough.
I would plunge and plunge a thousand times for you,
Break the hearts of lovers, children, grandchildren,
Brothers, pets and sisters all to make Him well.
To make Him well with me and bring me back,
To let me hold the blade as he has failed to do
For all the winter times that I have lived
And one year later feel the blade myself
And pass in to his mouth, his grace,
Become a part of his all-destroying form.
What more? The dance of yesterday is done.
My new partner is this knife, this knife to cut the bread,
To cut the skin, to cut the strings of lives
In quantity that alone would constitute no offering.
And what of value? What of moral code,
But for the fact that this bus, this dirty place,
This awful world provides such suffering,
And for their selfless ends comes mercy
In the paradise to which they're lead.
Inspired by my short story
Greyhound Outta Oldtown
Follow me on Twitter @adamwhitepoet