(Or straighten as the case may be.
I'd hate to exclude you from the poem
On the basis of how you wear your hair,
Or, indeed, how it seems to wear you.
(I'd like to clarify that the last line
Was no kind of insult just so you know.
(Not that I think you're an idiot
And can't understand the difference
Between an insult and a statement
(No I'm not being condescending or sarcastic.
I really mean it when I write that
I do not think you are some kind of moron.
(Wait. Did that bit sound sarcastic too?
I'm digging myself in to a hole here,
Like some kind of burrowing mammal.
(Notice there how I didn't write mole?
I did that just in case you have a mole
That you are in some way ashamed of.
(Here's a fact. I could've said badger,
But didn't because I wanted to write
That little bit about the mole you may have,
Because it would give me a great excuse
To picture the gigantic, nasty mole
You may or may not have on your bum-cheek.
(Don't worry, I'm not some kind of pervert.
I need these little asides to focus on
Every time I have a conversation with you.
(It makes you all seem more human to me,
Despite the fact you all seem to possess
That nasty stroke of inhumanity,
Hammered in to you by years of abuse
By parents, friends, lovers and, least of all,
Those petty, paltry people you call enemies.
(That is a blanket statement by the way
So try not to take it personally.))))))))))
I don't like to talk about them really.
(Since I'm clearly socially awkward and
Find it very hard to trust anybody.)
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